Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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