Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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