someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I had to cum in my sink.
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