I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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