I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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