hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
