my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
