where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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