if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
