I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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