i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
