Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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