sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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