Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
