She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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