Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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