oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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