No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
