I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
