And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
