his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
not ubering you a puppy
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
