it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
