This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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