In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
