Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
