Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
