You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
