He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He better not be in your backpack
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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