i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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