I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
