my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
