I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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