her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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