u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
