Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
