It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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