get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
