I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
