wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
