You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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