Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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