I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
