here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
