jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
