Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
