This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude i'm inner monologue high
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
