Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
