Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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