Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
