There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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