I bet he comes in French.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
