You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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