she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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